


We're Dancing in the Minefields

by DC_bookfanatic



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood and Injury, Established Relationship, Eventual Fluff, Family Feels, Gun Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:21:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23479882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DC_bookfanatic/pseuds/DC_bookfanatic
Summary: No matter how many times this happens, Hailey will never get used to it. All she can do is pray to whoever will listen and try not to scream at whatever being dictates so much trauma in their lives. So she'll hold his hand and have enough strength for both of them until he has enough strength to hold her up.(A future fic of sorts; canon compliant. Lots of upstead)
Relationships: Jay Halstead & Hailey Upton, Jay Halstead/Hailey Upton
Comments: 27
Kudos: 129





	1. Stay Alive

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everybody!! Hope everyone is doing well in the midst of this global pandemic and I hope this fic will cheer you up some even though it's not the cheeriest of fics. Of course, I decided to write an angsty fic in the middle of a crisis. I've been working on this for a while and it just kept getting longer and longer...I had originally planned for it to be a long one-shot but once I reached 10K words and still wasn't finished yet, I decided to break this into a multi-chapter. Not sure how many chapters there will end up being as I am still not finished yet but I wanted to make this as perfect as I could. So far, it has been a lot of fun to write if not a little bit emotionally exhausting, trying to come up with the words I wanted to use to convey how the characters are feeling without them being too OOC. Hopefully I accomplished this! I am quite happy with this first chapter. 
> 
> Title: Dancing In The Minefields is a song by Andrew Peterson. It talks about a couple who are so in love, they stay strong even 'dancing in the minefields'. Going through struggles together but not regretting saying "I do". I think that captures Jay and Hailey's relationship pretty well. God knows, they've already been through their fair share of struggles and have come out stronger and they aren't even dating yet (in the show). They are in an established relationship in this fic.
> 
> Chapter title: Stay Alive by Jose Gonzalez. I think this one's pretty self explanatory. Take the title as literal. 
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I don't own One Chicago. Anything you recognize, characters, quotes, song titles are not mine.

The first thing Hailey realized was that Jay wasn’t wearing a vest.

The second thing Hailey realized was that she couldn’t follow him, not this blindly. Not this time.

And the third thing Hailey realized was that bang she just heard was a gun going off.

“And in closing, congratulations on finding someone who you think you can put up with for the rest of your life.”

Jay looked at her. His eyebrows were raised, and he was clearly unimpressed, “This is going to be the worst Maid of Honor speech in the history of the written world.”

Scowling at him, Hailey slapped Jay across the chest with the back of her hand, “That’s what you said about the last Maid of Honor speech I had to say.”

“Well, that’s because you essentially said the same exact thing last time,” He pointed out as a smirk crept across his face.

Hailey tried to look aggravated at his lack of support but found she couldn’t, her lips tugging upwards into a smile. She shook her head, running her tongue inside her cheek, “Oh, come on! It’s not like you’re an expert or anything. I mean, Ruzek probably didn’t ask you to be his Best Man because your last Best Man speech, well,” She shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly before scrunching up her face at him, “It wasn’t the greatest.”

Jay furrowed his brows, trying to look offended, “Shut up, Hailey. You know I was a big hit at Will’s wedding, and you know Adam’s always wanted his dad to be his Best Man, so I’m honored to just be a groomsman.”

He paused, glancing over to her, “Besides, I much prefer watching you struggle over your speech instead of struggling over my own.”

Hailey rolled her eyes in annoyance. Jay was never any help when it came to things like this. Instead, he preferred to tease her mercifully, but she honestly wouldn’t have it any other way even if it did get on her nerves from time to time.

Besides, she was more than capable of taking it and even better at giving it.

She clicked her tongue. Sighing, “If I didn’t love Kim so much, I wouldn’t have agreed to this whole Maid of Honor thing.”

Jay threw an arm around her shoulders, grinning widely as they continued to walk down the sidewalk towards the 21st District, “Oh, you know that secretly, deep down, you enjoy it. You should be a pro at this whole wedding thing; I mean, you planned ours and it turned out great. You were Ava’s Maid of Honor and helped her plan everything. And then we did all that stuff for Nat and Will’s wedding so,” He pressed a kiss to her temple, “old hat.”

Hailey huffed, glancing up at him, “Easy for you to say. You don’t have to help do all the shopping; picking out flowers, finding caters for the reception, lining up music, locating the church, getting a photographer,” She pulled a face, “Wearing a dress.”

He chuckled and was about to respond when he suddenly slowed down, his muscles tensing. He turned into Hailey, murmuring in a low voice, “Am I seeing things or is that Damian Flint in that drugstore over there.”

Her eyes flashed up to his--the only indication that he’d startled her with his words--before she subtly leaned into Jay in the pretense of nuzzling his ear but really, she was running her eyes over the large glass storefront of the pharmacy almost directly across the street. Hailey let her gaze land on the back of the tall, muscular white man standing at the register; the tattoos covering his arms, unmistakable.

She couldn’t believe their luck, or maybe misfortune seeing as how they were vastly unprepared to chase this guy down but still, they actually had eyes on him.

Damian Flint. The guy that’d had Intelligence frustrated and frazzled for at least a month.

The high-end drug dealer who played everything extremely close to the chest. Never incriminating himself and never showing his own face at meets. He was one of the most paranoid drug-dealers the team had ever encountered and that had them all at wit’s end, annoyed that they’d essentially been chasing their own tails for weeks.

It made him dangerous and extremely hard to catch.

Hailey’s lips touched Jay’s ear. “Oh, it’s him alright.” Murmuring. “We’ve been staring at every angle of his profile we could get our hands on for weeks. I’d recognize him anywhere.”

Jay had artfully corralled them near a large oak tree, giving them both a decent vantage point without looking obvious.

He held her waist. His green eyes surveying the street and then the pharmacy carefully. He was quiet and Hailey could see the plan formulating in his mind. Could sense the adrenaline that was starting to build; Could feel him subtly touch the top of his gun holstered to his waist, out of sight and a pit started to form in her stomach.

She caught his darting irises with a glare, “No.” It came out as a hiss. “You cannot go after him.”

“But Hailey,” His gaze was urgent but steady, “This may be our only chance. We haven’t gotten a single solid lead in two weeks; We haven’t even really gotten close to catching this guy but for some reason…”

He glanced towards the pharmacy again. Flint was pocketing change, clearly almost done with his business, “He came out of hiding to go in that drugstore and somehow, someway, _we_ were passing by at this exact moment, down this exact street.”

Jay’s eyes found hers. Her breath quickened. Mere seconds passed and words were said though looks.

She put a firm hand on his chest. Panic starting to swirl in her stomach, “Jay.” It was a warning and a plea. “We have no backup, no plan and most importantly, you’re not wearing a vest! It’s way too dangerous for you to go chasing after him,” She gave him a little shove against the tree, “Use your head!”

The door to the pharmacy was opening and Hailey could almost hear the bell ring. Like an ominous alert, telling her time had run out to convince Jay not to do what he was about to do. She felt him inch out from behind the tree and Hailey knew that there was nothing she could say that would change his mind.

He cut his gaze to hers. His face solemn with regret yet filled with determination. Apologetic but unwavering, “I’m sorry Hailey but we’re never going to get this good of a chance again.”

His expression changed for an instant, softening into one she was quite familiar with.

A look. A promise. A vow that he’d do everything in his power to make it back to her alive. An unspoken I love you.

His eyes always held those assurances. Before every call, between every case.

“Stay here and radio the team.”

Feeling helpless, Hailey’s eyes followed his quick, purposeful steps cross the street. His hand reaching for his gun as he subtly approached Flint but the moment he saw him, Flint ran, Jay right on his heels.

She cursed, furious at Jay’s inability to stop and think rationally; To think with his head and not with his heart. Frustrated that she couldn’t provide backup; That she couldn’t follow him this time because she wasn’t wearing a vest either.

Upset that she hadn’t told Jay yet because maybe if she had, he wouldn’t be doing something this reckless. And terrified that it was all about to go to hell; _knowing_ in her heart that this wasn’t going to end well.

But she couldn’t think about any of that. She couldn’t change the past and what she was feeling wasn’t helping matters any; she couldn’t let her emotions get in the way. All she could do was reach for her radio and request backup, doing her best to keep her voice calm and steady as she started quickly moving in the direction of the chase.

Her speed picked up when she caught a glimpse of Damian, Jay still in pursuit. She ran down an alley and back onto a side street that ran parallel to the street Jay and Damian were sprinting down.

Hailey pushed herself, keeping up with Jay just enough to see him on the street below every time there was a break in the buildings after each block.

Her footsteps pounding rhythmically on familiar streets helped keep her grounded and her head in the game. The blood whooshing in her ears kept her fears at bay as she focused on keeping an eye on Jay until someone with a vest could intervene because she sure as hell couldn’t risk it if things went south.

She felt powerless and alone and she just wished her team would hurry up and get here before something happened.

Everything was pushed to the background. Honking horns. Yelling people. Sirens blaring through the city. Quick chatter coming through her two-way. All she focused on was keeping Jay in her sights and willing Flint not to pull a gun.

Her chest was hurting from breathing so hard and her mouth was dry, but she didn’t slow down.

Not when Kim fell into step beside her and a huge weight was lifted from her shoulders now that her team was there. And not when she caught a glimpse of Adam and Kevin catching up to Jay who was still sprinting after Damian, jumping over cars and dodging trash cans.

They disappeared again. Behind another row of run-down houses before suddenly, they were in front of her running down the street perpendicular to the one she was on. She was formulating a route that would keep her relatively out of harm’s way but still be nearby when she heard it.

Three loud pops. An unmistakable sound. One she was all too familiar with in her line of work.

This time, her steps did falter. She did slow down. She came to a screeching halt, icy fear gripping her and a part of her didn’t want to turn the corner. That if she didn’t look, then it wasn’t real.

But she’d always faced her fears head on and today wasn’t going to be any different.

She didn’t hear Kim urgently talking to her, barely felt her firm hand gripping her shoulder and she hardly saw Vanessa sprint past, careening around the block, out of sight.

The sight of Voight’s SUV speeding down the street with lights and sirens snapped her out of her frozen denial.

And she was running again. Pushing through the urge to throw up when she rounded the corner and saw Jay writhing on the ground, trying to move out from under Kevin’s heavy hands placed strategically on his chest.

Not letting herself lose control over her emotions like she desperately wanted to.

Because she wanted to scream. And cry. And yell at whatever fate or God that dictated all this tragedy in their lives.

And she wanted to strangle the man responsible for this but somehow, she was distantly aware of Adam spreading him out on the ground. His knee grinding into the gunshot wound Jay must have managed to inflict before everything went to hell. What she’d predicted would happen what must have only been minuets ago.

God, it felt like it had been an eternity.

And that’s when she realized she _was_ screaming. Or at least shouting Jay’s name over and over again, like somehow that would make everything better.

She dropped her gun somewhere in the middle of the street, throwing herself down on her knees. Kevin looked up at her from across Jay’s form, a shocked look still on his face. Devastation and fear in his eyes.

She thought maybe he was saying something to her. Apologizing frantically or maybe explaining what had happened because he was at a loss for what else to do other than hold pressure to the bullet holes in his friend’s chest and that just didn’t seem like enough.

Hailey honestly didn’t know what to do either but somewhere in the back of her mind she knew dispatch had already been alerted and that ambulances were on their way.

She was just numb. In shock. And all she could think to do was put her hands next to Kevin’s, marveling at how small they looked next to his. Anything but her husband’s sticky blood coating her fingers and palms.

Because she had to do something.

His unfocused eyes drifted slightly open. She cupped the nape of his neck with one of her hands, not caring that she was smearing his blood all over him as she tried to look frantically into his lolling irises.

“Jay! Jay!” Why was it that all she seemed capable of saying was his name over and over?

Hailey swallowed, working her throat, “Stay with me, Jay. Just breathe; Everything’s going to be okay.”

At the sound of her voice, he turned his head slightly towards her. It startled her how green his eyes looked in the moment, glazed over, trying to focus on her face.

Hailey had always loved his eyes.

His lips were moving, just barely but Hailey could tell he was trying to tell her something. She tried to give him a comforting smile. To not let him see how worried she was as she grabbed the shaky, weak hand that was struggling to find hers.

“It’s alright Jay. Don’t try and say anything. We’ve got you; the ambulance will be here any second so save your strength, okay?”

She kept smiling at him, desperately trying to blink back the tears that were threatening to fall because she knew she needed to be strong. She needed to be strong for Jay.

He needed her to be strong.

He was forming words now, quiet moans leaving his lips instead of what it was he was trying so desperately to say. He coughed and she tried not to show how frightened she was when she saw blood coating his pale lips a bright red.

“Hailey…” His voice was week and barely there. So much so she saw him whisper her name more than she’d heard. It was all she could do not to break down just at the sound of his raspy attempt.

She blinked and felt a couple of tears fall as she ran her hand holding his neck to caress the side of his sweaty face. Her other hand squeezing his as hard as she could, anything to keep him with her.

“It’s alright Jay,” She said again, sounding more desperate, “I don’t want you to exert yourself.”

She felt his hand tighten marginally around hers and his eyes became clearer, like her words were helping him focus. Stabilizing him. Anchoring him to her.

His gaze bore into hers. He managed to shake his head slightly. “No.” It was forced and filled with pain and she just wished he would save his strength.

His tongue darted out, “I-I need to…say this.”

A look of understanding passed between them. Even shot, he could tell her a lifetime of things through his eyes.

She ran a hand over his head and through his hair. Trying her best to sooth him, “Okay, okay.” She scooted slightly forwards on her knees, leaning down so he didn’t have to strain any more than he had to for her to hear him, “What is Jay? What do you need to say?”

He lifted up a shaky arm, struggling to swipe some of her blonde hair out of her face and behind her ear. Something he’d always done ever since they started dating, before letting his hand drop again, clearly exhausted from just that small movement.

“I love you, Hailey,” It was surprisingly quite clear, and she could see the conviction blazing in his eyes even though they were hazy with pain.

He was looking at her. Staring straight into her soul in a way she’d never seen him do ever before and he was honestly, truly starting to scare her. She could feel another wave of tears rise in the back of her throat.

_Be strong. Be strong for him._

Hailey took a breath, adjusting her hold on his neck to cradle it more on her lap as she continued to run a hand through his hair. Trying to do something, anything to comfort him from the pain she knew he must be feeling.

“I know, I know, Jay.” Her voice was thick with the tears she was so desperately trying to hold back. She could barely swallow. “I love you too. Everything’s gonna be okay. It’s all gonna be okay.”

It was a poor attempt at optimism. Her words shaky, her voice on the cusp of hysterics, losing its resolve to mask the tears. To mask the fear, the desperation and she wasn’t entirely sure who she was trying to soothe anymore.

A small sob escaped. And she knew she was starting to break but her mind was screaming at her to stay strong. To just stay strong, that everything was going to be okay. She brought his hand up to her lips, whispering, “It has to be okay.”

Jay groaned. His head lolling from side to side as Kevin adjusted his hands slightly, murmuring a ‘sorry bro’. Hailey had honestly forgotten he was over there, but she was thankful someone was actually doing something to keep Jay alive because she’d given up trying to stop the bleeding. Her small hands were doing nothing compared to Kev’s sturdy ones.

Jay settled on her face again. That look still in his eyes, “Hailey…Please. I-I need you to…to know that you,” He swallowed again, obviously having trouble speaking. Tears gathered in his eyes, “You are the very best thing…that,” Another cough, some more blood, “That has ever happened to me.”

Okay. Now that _really_ scared her.

“Jay,” She warned, her eyes searching his frantically, “Jay, no! Stop talking like that. Why are you telling me these things?”

He either didn’t seem to hear her, or he’d elected to ignore her because he just drew in another gasping breath before he continued to talk. And she got the feeling he wasn’t crying because he was only in pain.

But because of what he was saying to her. Because he thought he was going to…

His raspy voice cut into her terrifying thoughts, “And please,” He looked at her with anguished eyes, “please forgive me. I am…so…sorry.”

_I just couldn’t help myself._

Dozens of past injuries flooded her mind.

As much as it drove her sick with worry. As many times as she’d found him, bloody and bruised, she could never fault him for being who he was. She just wished he wasn’t so reckless about it.

But that was who Jay was.

He was a great cop with a good heart. When someone’s in trouble or causing children to OD, like Flint, Jay was just there. Jumping headfirst into a situation with little thought of his own safety.

And she loved him for it. But that didn’t stop the very real fear of it killing him one day.

Like today.

“And I want…I want you to keep being the…greatest cop I know,” Jay’s eyes were barely open anymore and he was starting to sound less aware. His words slurring together in a mumbled ramble, “And you gotta…you need to stay safe, ‘kay? Find a—find a…good partner.”

Hailey had never heard him talk like this. She was more than scared now. She was terrified and sick with worry and she wasn’t quite sure what to do.

She wanted to yell at him. Scream at him to stop saying those things because it was okay; Everything was going to be okay and he had to stay with her, he couldn’t—

He couldn’t die. Not now, but the words wouldn’t come.

And she’d never been one for inaction, but right now, all she could do was kneel frozen by his side, clutching onto him like her life depended on it.

“Hails…I love ya…” He licked his lips mindlessly, “Tell…the team…I love ‘em…and Trudy. ‘Cause…they’re my family…and I love ‘em.”

He was delirious. With fever, with pain, with shock, she wasn’t sure. It was a wonder he was still even awake at all.

But then he trailed off and was quiet which was a hell of a lot scarier than him being delirious. Hailey shook him roughly, “Jay! Jay! Keep talking…Stay awake okay.”

Her voice broke and though his words were frightening, she’d rather have him rambling than not saying anything at all.

God, what had she done to deserve all of this heartbreak? What had _Jay_ done?

Her shaking had roused him slightly, his eyes cracking open, “l’m awake…” He blinked lazily, “Tell…Will sorry. And Voight’ll take…care of…he’ll take care of you, ‘kay. ‘Cause I…told him too, you know. And…he loves ya…too.”

She had no idea what he was talking about, but she could finally hear the ambulances getting closer, so she let him keep babbling; whatever it took to keep him somewhat awake by the time the paramedics arrived.

“And…Kev an’ Adam an’ Kim… ‘nessa. They’re…gonna be g-good ‘tectives,” He trailed off. His cloudy gaze staring off into space before mumbling, “An’ the weddin’…Sad I…won’t see,” Some more coughing, “see it.”

Hailey knew she was losing him, and the ambulances weren’t here yet.

“Jay! Jay,” Hailey shook him again. She was practically yelling, and her eyes felt impossibly wide with frenzied emotion, “No, no. You’re gonna see it. You just gotta keep talking. Okay. Jay, keep talking.”

He opened his eyes again, but it seemed like with every lapse in consciousness brought him closer and closer to staying that way.

His eyes suddenly became slightly clearer, but they were still bright with an on-setting fever. He looked straight at her before whimpering, “Hailey.”

She sniffed, trying again to smile at him through the tears she couldn’t stop from falling, “Yes, Jay. I’m right here, honey. I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere.”

The sirens were coming from right around the corner now and Hailey felt Jay’s weak grip loosen completely as he just barely whispered a, “Hails…I love you,” his eyes fluttering shut and staying shut. His face a stark white, his own blood smeared across his forehead and over his cheeks from her hands.

“No, no, no, no, no, no! Jay! Jay,” Hailey was frantically cupping his lifeless face, turning it towards her, “Jay, you gotta wake up! Stay with me, okay. Please you gotta stay with me.”

Her mind was screaming, and her heart was racing.

_Stay with me. Stay with me. Stay with me._

_Please, just stay with me Jay._


	2. Hold On, I Still Need You (can you hear me screaming, please don't leave me)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She couldn't breath. Her whole world had been turned upside down in the matter of minuets and she's starting to crumble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! Thank you for the support you have already shown for this story...It means a great deal. I've been plugging away at this story and I intend to update every Wednesday for as long as possible! I hope you enjoy and please tell me what you think! I love hearing your favorite parts!
> 
> Some Med characters make a guest appearance in this chapter and I've tried to keep it minimal as I want this to be a PD story with upstead it's main focus so please don't let it deter you from reading. Also, in my world Ava (from Med) is not a psycho and is best friends with Hailey. There is a few nods to that but it's mostly Hailey and Will interacting. Also, just an fyi, I have no medical training so I'm just kind of making it up as I go...I have done some research but who knows if I'm understanding it correctly so hopefully you'll forgive me. 
> 
> Chapter title comes from Hold On by Chord Overstreet. It's a pretty accurate description of what Hailey's going through minus the fighting part in the beginning (If you understand what I mean). 
> 
> This chapter picks up right where the last one left off!
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything related to One Chicago. If I did, Jay and Hailey would already be together

Looking up, Hailey saw the ambulance swing around in front of them. The back doors were thrown open and paramedics quickly jumped out to run the short distance to them.

But to Hailey, everything felt like it was in slow motion. Like they weren’t moving fast enough. Because Jay was dying, and she knew every second counted.

“See, Jay,” She whispered to him, trying to cling onto every shred of hope she could muster up, “The ambulance is here. You’re gonna be okay. You’ve got be okay.”

The paramedics had reached them, and Hailey barely acknowledged their presence as they nudged her out of the way, trying to work around her kneeling form stationed by Jay’s head.

“Jay…Jay, you’ve got to fight, okay,” Her face crumpled with the sobs she was trying to hold back, “You have to promise me you’ll try to hold on. Hold on for me.”

The paramedics were talking to her now, but she was having trouble comprehending anything but Jay’s bloody body. She barely flinched when Kevin gently wrapped his arm around her to pull her off the ground and away from Jay as he was lifted onto a backboard to be loaded into the ambulance.

She felt numb. Like she wasn’t in control of her body. Like she was just dreaming, forced to watch her worst nightmare. Like she was removed from herself, looking down on her own trembling body next to Jay’s. But she could only them. Everything else was faded out.

It felt like the past five minutes hadn’t existed. Like Jay hadn’t said all those things to her, speaking straight from his heart. Like she hadn’t gripped his hand in terror, her heart tight with panic that these words might be the last things he ever said to her.

Like if she woke up, she’d see Jay sleeping peacefully next to her and it all really had just been a bad dream.

But it wasn’t. It was real and there was no waking up. There was no escaping this living nightmare.

She knew that as color started to return to her world. And time was turning back to its normal speed as she registered all the sirens and chatter and the sheer number of cops that were now surrounding her on this once abandoned street.

The chaos bringing her back to reality. Reminding her this wasn’t a dream no matter how much she wished it was.

She felt Jay’s fingers slip away from where their hands were still intertwined as the paramedics rushed him into the ambulance, already moving to hook him up to the various machines that would get him stable enough for the ride to the hospital.

And Hailey felt like she couldn’t breathe.

She watched them scurry around in the back of the ambo, slapping defibrillator pads on his chest and inserting IV’s into different veins.

She was aware of the all the different units that had shown up to the scene, some still apprehending Damian Flint who was being treated by a second ambulance because Jay had managed to shoot him in the leg while the other officers just provided support for one of their own.

She could hear Voight yelling out orders to a group of patrol officers to clear the fastest route to Med then informing cops city-wide through the radio as to what was going on and organizing a police escort for Jay’s ambulance.

She felt the comforting presence of her own team—Kev’s supporting arm around her waist, holding her up, Vanessa’s reassuring hand on her upper arm, Kim’s steady form directly behind her and Adam’s right next to Kim’s, his hand resting on her shoulder.

They were all radiating worry for Jay and support for her and Hailey could feel the love that they all had for each other. The bond that could only come from working with each other day after day in dangerous situations that required extreme amounts of trust and respect.

Voight walked up to them, his eyes also lingering on the harrowing scene in the back of the ambo. He barely had time to bark out a “What’s happening” when one of the paramedics stuck her head out of the back of the ambulance to address the group.

“He’s stable enough to ride,” She looked at them somberly, “We’ve got room for two. One in the front, one in the back.”

Hank turned towards his team, “Kev, you and Hailey go. We’ll follow you in the Officer Down Detail.”

He grabbed Hailey’s bloody hand, giving it a firm squeeze, looking her directly in her bloodshot eyes, “Everything’s going to be okay.”

Hailey swallowed hard before acknowledging his comforting, steady words with a firm nod. Hank was already moving, and Kevin ushered her forwards with a “Come on, Hailey.”

She didn’t need to be told twice, jumping into the back to resume her place by Jay’s head as Kevin quickly moved to the front to hop in the passenger’s seat.

She grabbed Jay’s hand again--it was limp and cold in hers—kneeling by his head, making herself as small as possible to give the two paramedics room to work.

With her other shaky hand, Hailey stroked Jay’s forehead lovingly, “You gotta hold on, Jay. You gotta hold on for me.”

She glanced at his vital signs on the monitor and she knew enough about medicine to know that they weren’t good so she brought their joined hands to her heart, sandwiching them between her and Jay’s chest as she leaned over to be close to his face.

And she kissed him, lightly and reverently; his lips cold and un-responding but she didn’t care because she could feel the faint puffs of air coming from them and that was enough.

It wasn’t the best kiss she’d ever given. And it certainly wasn’t the most passionate they’d ever shared but it was real and raw and full of all the love she had for him.

* * *

Dr. Ava Rhodes had been having a relatively uneventful day as of a minute ago when she’d gotten a frantic page from the ED.

Her phone had been blowing up, continually buzzing till she managed to subtly check it whilst talking to her patient, her heart immediately picking up speed at the words that kept running across the screen; she then promptly excused herself from said patient’s room, a sinking feeling in her gut.

And then she ran.

* * *

“Are they here yet?” Ava sprinted up to the nurse’s station, grabbing a pair of gloves to yank on.

Maggie shook her head, holding up her pager, “A minute out.”

Ava wasted no time. She was already walking swiftly down the length of the ED to the ambulance bay to wait for them, Maggie right behind her.

“Talk to me, Mags! What do you know?” The doctor asked the nurse urgently, faintly starting to make out the sound of multiple sirens.

“Two to the chest, no exit,” Ava and Maggie shared a grim look before the charge nurse shook her head in dismay, “He’s critical.”

One to the chest was bad enough but two? It was a slight miracle that Jay was still alive.

Ava took a deep breath, the sirens even closer now. She closed her eyes and thought about Jay; his smile, his smirk, his bravery, his friendship to her and those around him, the way everyone could see he loved Hailey more than life itself.

And she thought about Hailey: her best friend, how they met and hit it off pretty much right away with similar personalities. All the days since, talking about their respective husbands and planning a future. She thought of all the secrets they’d shared during a girl’s night out or a slumber party with no husbands allowed.

She knew of a secret right now, one that, as far as she knew, only she and Hailey knew about. And her heart just broke.

And besides that, she knew how much Hailey loved Jay.

She allowed herself to imagine if something happened to Connor, how she would feel, and she knew Hailey had to be terrified.

Ava took another deep breath, her fingers tingling and adrenaline starting to pump as she vowed to herself that she would not let Jay Halstead die. Even if she had to use pure strength of will to pull him back.

There was a slight commotion coming from the ambulance bay doors and then Will was beside her, his breathing heavy and his eyes wild with barely constrained panic.

He swallowed hard, “He’s not—”

Ava put a gentle, gloved hand on his upper arm, “No, not as far as we know.”

“Ava…” He looked at her and she could tell how scared he was for his brother.

She bent her head to look him squarely in the eyes, “I am going to do absolutely everything in my power to save him. I promise you that, Will.”

The redhead nodded, grabbing her hand and squeezing it, “I know Ava. You’re the only one that I’d want holding that scalpel.”

Police cars were swinging into the bay now, the single ambulance holding Jay on their tails flanked by more cop cars.

Ava let her hand fall from Will’s shoulder, taking a couple steps forward as the ambo swung around to back up to the bay doors.

She glanced back at Will, “I need you to take care of Hailey.”

Her voice held a strange sort of warning and the look she gave him seemed like a plea for him to understand. To just do as she asked. Like it was a priority and Will got the feeling that her request meant more than just staying strong for her friend, his sister-in-law. That it held significant wight.

But the feeling only lasted a millisecond before they were sharing a somber look, doctor to doctor, friend to friend.

“Trust me, Will. I’ve got this.”

He barely had time to acknowledge her words, the back of the ambulance doors swinging open with bang.

“He’s arresting.”

And Ava was up into the ambulance before anyone could process exactly what was going on in the cabin.

One of the paramedics was doing chest compressions while the other one had scurried back from the door to keep bagging. Hailey was crowded into the corner. Her eyes wide with fear, never leaving Jay’s prone form.

She looked a mess; Blood was covering her shirt, her jeans, her hands and she was as pale as a ghost.

Ava had worked herself in between the two paramedics, giving orders to the one doing chest compressions to let her take over.

The blonde took a breath, folding her hands together in that all too familiar way to give swift pumps to the center of Jay’s chest, her eyes never leaving the flatline on the heart monitor.

“Come on, Jay,” She grunted, putting all her wight into the compressions. Praying for a wave to pop up on the screen.

A blip. More beeping, “He’s in V-Fib. Give me the paddles.”

Ava snatched them from the paramedic handing them to her, rubbing the paddles together and chanting the mantra, ‘come on, Jay’ over in her mind. She placed one on his chest and around his ribs before firmly stating a “Clear” and putting a couple of gloved fingers to his carotid artery, watching the monitor closely.

“Push a round of epi and charge to 200,” Ava warmed the paddles up again to place them on his chest, shocking him with a jolt.

“Don’t you dare die on me, Jay Halstead. Don’t you give up. Not now,” She felt tears prick her eyes, blinking hard to shove them away. She needed her head in the game.

Ava clenched her teeth, her eyes going back to the monitor before ordering another round of epi and shocking him again, “You do not get to die today! Do you hear me?” She was practically growling at his unconscious form, but she couldn’t care less. She wasn’t giving up, not this easily.

She watched the monitor with bated breath, and she knew the looks the paramedics were giving her meant they were expecting her to call it. She was about to order a third round of epinephrine when there was beep. And then another one.

Ava felt the weight lift from her heart as she visibly let out a sigh of relief, her eyes fluttering closed for a second before quickly jumping into action again, “Come on, let’s go.”

She was out of the ambulance in two seconds flat. Practically shoving Kevin and Will back into Maggie and Ms. Goodwin, who had arrived at the scene just after the ambulance as they shuffled off to the side.

The paramedics rapidly got the gurney down and out of the back, Ava’s fingers already reaching for Jay’s pulse again as Hailey followed closely behind.

Now that Jay wasn’t actively dying for the moment, Ava used the brief time it took to swiftly walk the gurney into the ED to start assessing the GSW’s.

Before they swung him into Trauma 1, Ava looked up from the other side of the gurney, grabbing Hailey’s hand to give it a squeeze. She looked her squarely in the eyes, “I’ve got him, I promise.”

Hailey swallowed, nodding before swiftly giving Jay a kiss on the temple and then the lips, falling behind into Will’s waiting embrace as they both watched Ava command the trauma room, ordering tests and x-rays.

Kevin stuck close by Hailey’s other side while Ms. Goodwin and Maggie hung back, watching from off to the side as the rest of Intelligence ran in through the ambulance bay. They crowded around Hailey in sort of a semi-circle glob, Voight’s hand landing on her tense shoulder.

The group barely had time to stare in a shocked sort of stupor before Jay was being moved again and they were pushed out of the way again, Ava leading the charge. Hailey stared at Jay’s pale face as orderlies pushed him by her, rapidly crossing the ED towards the hybrid OR.

Ava appeared in front of her, grabbing both of her hands tight and Hailey worked to slowly pull her gaze from the sight of Jay being rolled into the operating room to look fully at her friend.

“He needs surgery,” Ava’s somber gaze met the rapt stares of the rest of Intelligence and Will. They were hanging onto her every word. She looked at Hailey again, “Both bullets are lodged in tricky places, but they have to come out. I’m not going to lie, it’s risky but this is his only chance. I’m going to do absolute best to pull him through this.”

She smiled at them, squeezing Hailey’s hands, “But Jay’s strong and if anyone can survive this, he can. He’s a fighter and that matters.”

Ava didn’t waste any more time, leaving to jog over to the hybrid OR without waiting for any type of response.

By this point, the whole ED was basically filled with half of the Chicago police department, anxiously waiting news of their fellow officer

But Hailey didn’t really care.

Later, she would look back on it and her heart would swell at the fact Jay was so well liked among CPD but now, all she could do was stand, staring at the closed doors of the hybrid room.

She could vaguely hear Maggie’s voice telling the large crowd to vacate the ED and go wait in the waiting room. And she barely noticed her peripheral vision was blurry as her gaze zeroed in on the blinds bouncing against the hybrid OR doors.

Hailey felt her knees buckle dangerously.

“Woah, Hailey,” Will’s arm tightened around her shoulders as Voight’s arm slipped around her waist to hold her up.

Everyone’s worried gaze turned to her now and she tried to stomp down the nausea rising in her gut because the last thing she wanted was to throw up in front of her brother-in-law and her team.

“Are you hurt?” Voight’s voice was gruffer than usual. Worried.

He moved in front of her. His hands still supporting her to look her in the eye as Will did the same.

She could feel his sharp, skilled gaze roam over her, clearly slipping into doctor mode as he turned his attention more on her instead of Jay.

Hailey tried to shrug off their well-meaning concerns and duck out of their arms, but she didn’t get very far. As soon as she took a step back, she was swaying dangerously to the side, Adam and Kevin’s hands replacing the ones she’d just tried to escape.

Ava’s words asking him to take care of Hailey popped back into Will’s head and again, he got the feeling she wasn’t just concerned for her friend whose husband just got shot and could possibly die. He was starting to wonder if there was something going on with Hailey, something Ava apparently knows about.

He frowned, pushing his way through Kim and Venessa who were standing directly in front of Hailey. Adam, Kevin and Voight still sandwiching the blonde in between them.

She looked pale and scared and somehow invincible all at the same time. And pretty pissed off which would probably make Will’s task even harder.

He wedged himself beside of her, his arm coming back around her shoulders, “I’m looking you over.”

Immediately, her gaze shot up to his, a conflicted yet determined look on her face as she shook her head, “No, I didn’t get hurt,” Her breath hitched slightly, “I’m okay.”

Will didn’t totally believe her and while he might have agreed that she was physically fine (although, it was kind of hard to tell underneath all of that blood—Jay’s blood, but he wasn’t going to think about that), he highly doubted she was okay emotionally.

Again, Ava’s words came back to him. He wasn’t going to let her get away from him, “Hailey…”

He met her determined gaze with one of his own and he could tell she was trying to put on a brave front underneath her bloodshot eyes. And she was doing an admirable job, but he knew her well enough to know she was really breaking inside.

The tears swimming with barely contained emotion giving her away.

“Hailey,” Softer this time as he moved his hands to grab her upper arms, “Jay…” Will swallowed as a tear trickled down Hailey’s cheek, “Jay would want me to take care of you.”

She looked away only to see the worried stares of her team and she could feel her already weak resolve start to crumble. Will shared a protective look with Voight who nodded his head slightly. He could understand the red head’s need to take care of Hailey. To do something, anything to help his brother.

Will started to gently pull her towards an open treatment room, “At least let me help you get that blood off.”

As much as she wanted too, Hailey was too emotionally exhausted to put up any more of a protest.

Besides, she was desperate to scrub away the reminder that Jay almost bled out in her arms. That he almost died. That he still could.

She wanted to rip her clothes off and burn them.

She wanted to scream and cry and hit the guy who was responsible for all of this. She wanted him to know that Jay was a good cop, a good husband and soon to be something more but that he didn’t even know it yet…that he might die without ever knowing it.

None of this was fair. And she knew life wasn’t fair, witnessed it every day. But Jay didn’t deserve any of this and now he might die just because he was a good cop with a big heart.

And it made her blood boil and her stomach churn and her heart _ache_.

She couldn’t lose him. She just couldn’t.

They’d just barely made it inside a treatment room when Hailey reached out, blindly grabbing for Will’s arm, “I think I’m going to be sick.”

He quickly got her seated on the bed, shoving a barf bag in front of her face but nothing happened as she took deep breaths in through her nose and out through her mouth. She’d gotten pretty good at willing away nausea over the past few weeks.

Hailey cracked open her eyes to see Will kneeling in front of her, still holding the bag in front of her face but relaxing some. Obviously realizing she wasn’t on the verge of losing her lunch anymore.

“You good?” His hand landed on her shoulder again and she nodded, struggling to get out any words.

Although the sick feeling was fading, she felt her throat tighten and her eyes burn for about the 15th time since Jay got shot. But this time, she was finding she didn’t have the strength to curb the onslaught of tears.

It came out as a choked sob. And then another. And then she was full on crying. Her whole body jerking with each breath and she just cried, unable to stop it. Not wanting to even if she could because she was just so tired of being strong.

She was vaguely aware of Will moving to sit beside her on the bed, pulling her into his arms to rock her back and forth. His cheek resting on top of her head.

Hailey prided herself on keeping her emotions in check. Always appearing strong and resilient only to break down in the privacy of her own home with only Jay as a witness. But today his brother was in his stead and she honestly didn’t care that Will’s scrubs were becoming soaked with her tears.

Because it was Jay who should be holding her, not his brother and that made her cry even more. Hell, she wouldn’t even _be_ crying if Jay hadn’t gotten shot so conserving her pride didn’t really seem to matter anymore.

Normalcy had gone out the window and nothing might ever be normal again, so Hailey let herself cave to the small comfort her brother-in-law’s arms brought and cried until she didn’t have any more tears left to cry.

As her sobs turned to sniffles, she could hear Will whispering words of comfort into her hair and she knew he was holding back his own tears for her sake. Hailey brought up a trembling hand to wipe away the wetness on her cheeks, ignoring the fact her hand was still covered in her husband’s dried blood.

She lifted her head off of Will’s shoulder, and he loosened his hold on her so they could look at each other. She gave him a watery smile, “Thanks for letting me cry all over you. I don’t usually do that sort of thing.”

He smiled back at her, “Anytime and I think you get a pass given the circumstances.”

Hailey sniffed again, shaking her head, “It’s just—” She looked up at him with anguished eyes, “The way he was talking…while we were waiting for the ambulance,” Her eyelids fluttered closed before she forced them back open, her lip trembling, “I’ve never heard him talk like that before.”

She swallowed, giving Will a grief-stricken look, “It was terrifying. He—he was talking…saying he loved me, and he loved you and the team…He was talking like he knew he was about to die.”

Will’s eyes widened—horror, fear, anxiety written all over his face at what she was telling him, and she felt a fresh wave of tears spring into her eyes.

Slowly, she collapsed back into his side, her shaky hand coming up to cover her mouth, “God—what if he somehow knew something we don’t.”

She looked up to meet Will’s pale face, “What if he somehow does know he’s going—going to die? Will, what if he dies?”

Hailey started crying again and somewhere in the back of her mind she was shocked she hadn’t used up her tear quota yet.

“Hey now,” Will embraced her tightly, “You don’t know that. Jay’s a fighter and Ava’s one of the best surgeons we have not to mention she might even be slightly more stubborn than Jay so if anyone has the willpower to pull him through this, she does.”

He pulled back to look at her, smiling, “And what’s more is, Jay has you. He has Intelligence, his friends, me…He has us and I know that deep down, he’s doing everything he can to come back to you. He has too many reasons to live for him die.”

He shook his head, giving her an earnest look, “Hailey, I honestly don’t know what’s going to happen, but I do know that. And,” He sucked in a breath, his voice cracking slightly, “And it may not work out in our favor but until we know for sure, we’ve got to have hope that everything’s going to be okay.”

Hailey pulled away from him again, brushing away her second round of tears and giving him the bravest smile she could muster up. Her heart was still beating frantically in her chest with fear, but she felt better than she did. Deciding to trust in Will’s words and not only for herself.

She needed to be strong no matter how all of this turned out.

Hailey put a hand on Will’s upper arm, swallowing hard, “You’re right…But I—”

She hesitated, rubbing her suddenly sweaty hands on her bloodied jeans, blowing out a breath and trying not to cry again.

Damn these hormones. They were bad enough without the added stress and emotions of Jay getting shot.

She could feel Will’s concerned gaze on her, and she knew she needed to tell him, just in case—Should the worse happen. She wasn’t sure if she would have the strength to say it then and she knew she would need help.

Of course, Ava knew, and Hailey felt confident she would say something if it did happen but Will and the others…

They deserved to hear it from her.

Will’s eyebrows were furrowed as he bent his head to catch her gaze, “Hailey, what is it?”

She turned her head to look at him fully, giving him a sad smile, “This isn’t how I imagined you would find out,” It came out as practically a whisper but she kept talking, “I thought that Jay would…”

A sob was torn from her throat and she tried desperately to get herself back together because Will was really starting look worried.

She forced a smile through her tears, trying to block out the bad and let herself feel the euphoria of the past few weeks to let Will know that this was still exciting news despite the circumstances, “I promise, I’m happy about this but with Jay…”

Hailey met Will’s gaze, a bittersweet look on her face as she laughed in slight disbelief. Tears of joy and heartbreak streaming down her face.

“You’re going to be an Uncle.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!! I would love to hear from you! 
> 
> (also, does anyone know how to get rid of the 'end notes' from the first chapter? I always have the end notes from the chapter I just posted with the first chapters end notes right below...can you get rid of that? I hope I'm explaining it well enough that you guys know what I'm talking about!! If someone could help me out with that, it would be much appreciated! Thanks again)
> 
> Love ya bunches!


	3. You Are My Sunshine (please don't take my sunshine away)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She presses her hand to her unborn baby. He may never know exactly how much he'd be leaving behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends! I can't believe that tonight is the season finale and I'm so sad that Hailey won't be in it but I'm super happy about the news that UPSTEAD IS HAPPENING NEXT SEASON!!!!! It's been confirmed by the show runner that something's happening between Jay and Hailey next season so I think it's safe to say we're getting at least a hug. I'm not gonna think about the fact that upstead was supposed to happen next week (thank you Corona) and instead look on the positive that we might be getting a whole season of upstead. Season 8 is it y'all, I can feel it!
> 
> Okay, enough about me ranting. I hope you enjoy the chapter!
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I don't own it.
> 
> *Chapter title obviously comes from the song You Are My Sunshine. I picked it because it's sad and I imagine Hailey thinking about her unborn baby how that is the 'only sunshine' in her life at the moment with everything kind of crashing down and burning because her husband is basically dying.

Will blinked in shock. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected her to say but that definitely wasn’t it.

An Uncle. Which meant Hailey was pregnant. Which meant she and Jay were having a baby.

He blinked again, the news just starting to sink in, “Are you serious?”

Hailey wiped away a tear, nodding, “Yep. I’m having a baby.”

Suddenly, Ava’s words urging him to take care of Hailey made sense, “Wait a second,” He eyed her, “Does Ava know?”

Hailey let out a breathy laugh, “Yeah, she’s the only one… How’d you know?”

“Well,” The red head paused, still trying to wrap his head around this unexpected but joyous news that was just delivered amidst a dire situation, “She was strangely insistent that I make sure you were okay.”

Hailey just offered up a smile, grateful for her friend looking out for her even during all the chaos but still having the sense of mind to not give up anything. It made her want to start crying again.

There was a bit of an awkward pause as Will stared off into space and Hailey was starting to wonder if he was for some reason not happy about it because he hadn’t really shown much emotion other than shock.

Which she didn’t blame him. She’d be shocked too. Hell, she was still shocked, and she’d known for weeks.

She was about to say something when he abruptly turned to her, a wide smile plastered on his face. He let out a disbelieving laugh, grabbing her shoulders.

“You’re having a baby!” It was an exclamation of happiness and she couldn’t help but genuinely smile back, “I’m gonna be an Uncle. It’s about time!”

He pulled her into another hug, and she reached her arms up to hug him back, “Congratulations, Hailey.”

She was waiting to see if he would acknowledge the ramifications, the foreboding, that feeling of utter sadness and dread and anxiety that was pushing in, weighing down on them. She wondered if Will was trying to be overly enthusiastic as to shove it all away and she wondered if it would work because how could those feelings occupy the same space of what should just be utter joy?

How dare they interrupt something so precious.

How dare the universe give her something only to possibly take something else away from her.

Something—someone she needed so desperately, especially now. And she wasn’t the only one. Her baby needed its father. Deserved to know and be loved by its wonderful father.

Will’s smile started to diminish, and she knew that those feelings were starting to seep into the bubble again. That he was realizing the same things she’d already realized as soon as she’d seen Jay bleeding out on the ground.

“Hold on,” He eyed her again, warily, “You said only Ava knows.”

He swallowed. Hesitant to ask what he wanted to ask because he was afraid of the answer, “Does that mean Jay doesn’t know?”

She tried to smile. To show him that it was alright when it clearly wasn’t as she shook her head, “No, he doesn’t know.”

 _And he may never_ was the thought that her brain immediately filled in.

“Oh Hailey,” Will breathed, heartbroken for her and his brother who had no idea exactly how much he’d be leaving behind should the worst happen.

Now that he knew, he noticed the way Hailey’s hand covered her stomach unconsciously. Her fingers curling protectively like a lifeline to keep her grounded.

And the way she’d been crying made more sense because even though any sane person would be visibly upset over their husband being shot (even if it was somewhat normal given their jobs—and Jay’s unfortunate penchant for getting shot), Hailey Halstead was not a crier. Not even when terrible things happened. But with a baby on the way?

Will was a doctor; he knew how pregnancy hormones worked.

“How long have you known,” He asked softly.

“For a couple of weeks,” It came out as a whisper.

Hailey cleared her throat, looking down at her lap before continuing, “I—um, I started suspecting about a week before I got the guts to find out for sure,” She glanced at Will who was listening patiently, “I decided to just skip the pharmacy run and come straight here, to people I trust.”

She took a deep breath, “I asked Ava because I knew I could trust her to keep a secret. Not that anyone else wouldn’t but I could tell she’d already started to suspect it,” Hailey shrugged, “It must be that whole ‘doctor who’s also a mother who’s also one of my best friends’ thing. Anyways, I’m about twelve weeks along.”

“I—I didn’t really know how to tell Jay,” Her eyes were starting to sting again and she blinked harshly, not wanting to start crying again, “We were just so busy with this case and I wanted to do it right, in a special way and to be honest, I was trying to get used to the idea myself before I told him or anyone else for that matter. But now…” Her throat burned, and hot tears fell down her cheeks.

Will engulfed her into another hug, feeling her chest heaving with compressed sobs and he struggled to come up with any words of comfort, so he settled for half-assed platitudes that didn’t really give either of them much consolation.

“I should have told him,” Her words were muffled by his neck and her cries, but she kept going, “I was selfish and now…”

Hailey lifted her head, burying her face in her hands, “I thought about telling him when he—he was…after he was shot but he was saying all those things and I didn’t want to tell him because I didn’t want him to know what he’d be missing if--if,” She pressed her lips together, holding the spot where their child rested, totally unaware of what was happening.

She forced herself to say it, “If he was going to die because he would make such a great dad and…how could I give him something like that for him to lose it if that happens.”

Hailey looked at him with pained eyes, guilt and regret rolling off of her in waves, “And now he might die without ever knowing.”

She bit her lip. Looking away, “God, does that make me a terrible person?”

“No,” He practically shouted it and it was a testament to how shaken up Hailey was because she jumped at the sound of his voice. He shook his head before repeating “No” again but softer this time.

In the time that Hailey had become Jay’s partner to his girlfriend to eventually his wife, Will had gotten to know Hailey pretty well, considered her his little sister so it hurt to see her so distraught. And doubly so when she was so conflicted over something that was so hopeful, so happy even in the midst of the unknown. Something he knew his brother would be over the moon about.

“Hailey,” He looked her in the eyes, “Don’t say that. You didn’t know that this would happen and when it did, you made the best decision you could. Jay won’t hold it against you, I can guarantee you that. When he gets better,” She opened her mouth to say something but he silenced her with a warning glance before stressing, “ _When_ he gets out of surgery, you are going to be able to tell him and he is going to be so excited.”

Will was staring at her so hard. Willing her to see the light at the end of the tunnel, to grab onto hope and think past the very real threat of Jay dying.

“You can’t think like that,” He squeezed her upper arm, “You’ve gotta focus on being strong for you and for the baby, okay?”

Hailey drew in a deep breath, closing her eyes to help sort out the emotions swirling in her head. She’d had her moment to break down, it was now time to put back on the brave face.

Opening them, she smiled softly at Will, “Thank you.”

“You’re my sister-in-law, anytime,” He smiled back, “Now, how about we get that blood off of you?”

Will grabbed a duffel bag sitting on the end of the bed that she hadn’t noticed. It hadn’t been there before. He handed it to her.

Seeing her confusion, he chuckled tiredly, “Vanessa and Kim got you some clean clothes and Maggie dropped them off while you were crying--the first time.”

She must have really been distraught to not have noticed the nurse come in the room.

Will stood up, “I’ll let you get changed. Do you need anything else?”

Hailey shook her head, “No, just don’t tell the team, or anyone else for that matter. I’d like to do it, you know.”

Winking, Will grinned, “Of course.”

He hesitated before exiting the treatment room, turning back to her with an earnest look and conviction thick in his voice, “And you’re gonna get to tell Jay too.”

* * *

The amount of police in the room was astounding. People she didn’t even know mingling about in various dress—patrol officers, white shirts, tac gear but the only people Hailey could comprehend was her family; the six standing in front of her.

She could see the openly worried expression on Kim, the fearful look on Vanessa, the anxious lines in both Adam’s and Kev’s faces, the expressionless looks on Platt and Voight; their pain shone in their eyes and the set of their mouths.

Although Hailey had promised Will that she would try to look on the positive side, she was still numb with shock and worry and fear. The phrase **He can’t die** constantly running through her head.

Everything was blurry except for her team as they took a couple hesitant steps towards her and she could tell they wanted to help her, do something but wasn’t sure what.

No one said anything; they all knew words and sympathies were fruitless but sometimes, there were things better said in the silence anyway.

Hailey was sure she looked a mess in her favorite oversized sweatshirt (it was really Jay’s, but she stole it from him a long time ago), red-rimmed eyes and ponytail she threw up haphazardly as she just stood there staring for who knows how long until Voight walked up to her, his hand landing comfortably on her shoulder, “Hailey, are you okay?”

It sounded like an absurd question and ‘Okay’ didn’t even begin to cover it, but Hailey knew that Voight was really asking her if she was strong enough. Telling her that she was strong enough. Giving her a look saying that she would get through this. That she wasn’t alone.

So, she smiled and took a breath and tried to stay strong. “Yeah Sarge, I’m good but I was wondering if I could talk to you for a sec?” She was proud her voice stayed steady and when Voight put an arm around her shoulder to walk them off to a corner, it was all she could do to not collapse into him.

His hands landed on her shoulders and he looked her in the eyes in that way of his, like he’s searching the depths of her soul for the truth and it was strangely reassuring. Hank Voight was a man of harsh realities with an even harsher attitude, but she could sense the compassion and see the concern behind his eyes. He cared a lot more than they all saw, than they all acknowledged.

“Talk to me Hailey. What is it?”

She took a breath, the familiar gruffness of Voight’s voice colored with concern grounding her, “I’m pregnant. And Jay doesn’t know.” It was said straight-forward and to the point and it was all the information he needed.

There was no preamble, no beating around the bush and no cute and clever way of saying it. She just didn’t have the strength or mindset to say it any other way.

He didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to. His facial expression showing no signs of surprise, just compassion and understanding.

And Hailey knew that he knew what she was really trying to tell him. That it was more than just a pregnancy announcement. That she was telling him exactly how much weighed on Jay making it out alive.

That he wouldn’t just be leaving her, Will and the team; he would be leaving behind a child he didn’t even know existed and that if Jay didn’t make it, she was going to need help. She was going to need him and her team and Will to get her through it for the baby.

She stood there, eyes brimming with tears and Voight had never seen Hailey look as vulnerable and brave as she did in that moment. He pulled her into a hug, and he could feel a few tears where she’d buried her face into his neck as she held onto him with trembling arms.

Hailey wasn’t sure how long she stood there, hiding her face and trying desperately not to cry for the 100th time. Maybe it was seconds, maybe it was minutes, but she couldn’t bring herself to care that it was Voight holding her in front of a waiting room of police officers who were discreetly trying not to watch.

When he pulled back, placing his hands on her upper arms, he gave her a comforting smile, “Congratulations Hailey. You and Jay are going to be great parents.”

She appreciated that he didn’t say ‘if Jay survives’ or ‘When Jay gets better’ or anything that indicated that Jay very well might die before he had the chance to be a great parent. He just said it, simple and plain as if nothing was happening in an OR down the hallway. He said it like she was a normal wife whose husband was just a regular guy who didn’t jump in front of bullets. He said it like he knew Jay was going to make it and he wasn’t going to accept it any other way.

She wiped a quick hand under her eyes, a now practiced movement and smiled the same tired smile she’d been trying to smile since Jay got shot.

“Now,” He smiled back, slinging an arm around her shoulders, “You want to tell the rest of the team?”

She was grateful for Voight’s insight, his perceptiveness. She didn’t need to explain or tell him her need to tell the team as well, before Jay was able to do it with her. She knew he knew she needed the support and she was so thankful he didn’t call attention to it because the one thing she was most uncomfortable with was showing complete vulnerability in front of a group of others and that included her team.

So, she nodded, shuffling her feet along beside her boss’s trying to rebuild her composure once again. With each step, she gained fortitude. They all stood up for the second time, Intelligence solely focused on her.

Hailey glanced around and noticed a lot of the officers that had previously been there, were gone and she understood; she knew they had work to get back to. Not everyone’s world had stopped completely when she saw Jay’s bloody body laying out on the street.

The ones who were still there were mingling with other cops, not paying her any attention which was just as well because she didn’t particularly want everyone to know she was pregnant just yet. She hadn’t anticipated telling anyone today but that was before her world had been turned upside down.

Now her boss and her unit plus Trudy was going to know even before Jay.

“Hailey,” Adam took a couple of steps forward, glancing back at the rest of the team and then Voight before looking at her again. He tucked his hands in his vest before hesitantly meeting her eyes; they were all clearly unsure and concerned by what they had just witnessed between her and Voight, “Is everything okay? Do you have any news about Jay?”

She put a slightly trembling arm out, waving away the immediate concern that something must have gone terribly wrong for her to be acting the way that she was, and they just didn’t know about it yet.

“I haven’t heard anything yet,” She smiled tightly, “You guys know as much as I do.” She licked her lips, meeting each of their worried and slightly puzzled faces. “But there is something that I want to tell you—Something that I need to tell you,” She tried hard not to let her words falter, “Just in case Jay doesn’t make it because you’ll need to know and it’ll be easier to say it now.” She took a breath. “Should the worst happen.”

They crept closer and Hailey knew she hadn’t given them any type of reassurance no matter how hard she tried to smile, to say everything was still okay. The tension and anxiety coming from her friends was stifling and she’d never seen them more on edge than they did in that moment.

She blinked and just like with Voight, there was no fanfare or elaborate displays, it just was.

“I’m going to have a baby.”

In other circumstances, Hailey could see Vanessa squealing and Kim gasping and the boy’s kissing her cheek before they went to give Jay that hug men always did, slapping each other on the back as the girls rushed up to her to ask all the questions. She could even imagine a big, hearty smile from Platt and a rare hug.

But that’s not what happened because there was no Jay and that made all the difference.

The reactions were still there but much more subdued than what would usually elicit from this kind of news. There were still gasps and grins but there were also glossy eyes, heartbreak and understanding behind the tears because they were family and when family hurt, they all hurt.

“And Jay? Does he…?” Kim trailed off at Hailey’s subtle shake of her head.

Heads hung and shoulders dropped. Adam swore under his breath and Kevin barely restrained himself from kicking a chair across the room.

Kim approached her slowly but with determination, pulling her into a hug and Vanessa hovered behind them, tears in her wide eyes. Platt’s hand landed heavy on her shoulder, tears in the Sargent’s faraway gaze and Voight’s jaw shifted, that familiar hard look in his eyes when something happened to his team.

It was like a mini fortress was now surrounding her. And if she closed her eyes hard enough, Hailey could almost imagine that everything was right in her world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I hope you liked my interpretation of Hailey telling everyone in the midst of some tragedy. I'd love to know what you guys think!! Please leave a comment and I'll see you next week!


	4. I Don't Want The World To Turn Without You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her world is still crashing; How is she supposed to have hope when there is none to be had? She can't live without him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!! So sorry for the long wait--had some writer's block and I'm starting to think that this story may be updated every other week instead of every week but I have some other upstead fics in the works so be on the lookout for those too! 
> 
> Chapter title came from the 'Without You' by Ursine Vulpine and Annaca. Also, there is an upstead youtube video by 5Lenio set to this song entitled 'Hailey & Jay_Without you'. If you haven't seen this, you should totally go check it out!! It is phenomenal!!!!!
> 
> Also, I have no actual medical knowledge. It's all stuff I've seen on TV or what I could research and understand via the internet. And my imagination so...take it as you will.
> 
> Enjoy the chapter!
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I don't own onechicago and I don't own the song.

It had been five hours since Hailey had rounded the corner of that building and all the air in her lungs had been sucked out at the sight of Jay laying in the street.

And in that time, Hailey had gone from desperate tears to quiet sobbing to bloodshot eyes and no more energy left to even cry. After she’d initially arrived at the hospital, her heart pounding as she watched Jay being rolled into the OR with Ava hot on the gurney’s wheels, time had moved slower than she’d ever experienced before.

Every second felt like an hour and every hour like a day. She felt like she’d been sitting in that hard-wooden hospital chair, its small cushions doing little to make it more bearable, for weeks, worrying more than she’d ever had before. And when the worry got to be too much, she would pace and rub her hands on her jeans and smooth her bedraggled hair back—Anything to distract herself from the restlessness that was plaguing her.

Officers had come and gone, all that was left was Intelligence and even then, they were in and out of the waiting room. Sometimes they would bring her back something: A coffee, some food, her favorite candy bar, all of the items accumulating on the floor beside her, untouched, but she wasn’t stupid. She knew they were still working. She knew that when Kim, Adam and Voight had disappeared for a while, it was most likely because they were somewhere in the hospital, talking to Damian Flint.

The guy they had been looking for a month. The guy who was slinging potent, fatal dope to anyone he could ensnare—kids, teens, adults, old people. None were exempt from his sellers. He was responsible for hundreds of overdoses, his deals reaching all the way to Gold Coast.

And now he was responsible for shooting a Chicago Police Officer. A cop. A vet.

Her _husband_ and her unborn child’s _father_.

Intelligence had been quietly busy, coming and going and Hailey knew that they were tying up the case, charging Flint with everything they could. Attempted murder. Or murder, depending.

It was good she didn’t know exactly where he was at and she knew her team had been quietly going about their business without her on purpose.

She honestly didn’t know what she would do if she saw Flint and besides, she was in no state to work.

Hailey also knew they weren’t leaving her alone. She knew they were taking shifts, watching her with worried, sympathetic eyes. There was someone constantly beside her, but she noticed they were careful to give her space.

Even upset, she wasn’t blind. She was still a detective even though her husband could be dying.

It had been five hours and she’d hardly said a word, absorbed in her anxious thoughts. It had been five hours and she still didn’t know anything. There hadn’t been any update whatsoever and Hailey couldn’t decide if that was a good or a bad thing. All she knew was that it was driving her insane and if someone didn’t come out to tell her something, _anything,_ then she was going back there herself. Hospital rules be damned.

Will had periodically shown up, but there were never any words spoken. Just a slight shake of his red head and a comforting squeeze on her shoulder before he was gone again. He had work to do too.

There had been inquires at the nurse’s station. By her, Kim, Vanessa, Adam and Kevin. Even Voight and Platt. But the answer was always the same: There was nothing new.

It was five hours later, and they’d all fallen into a mind-numbing routine; each of them doing what they needed to do to cope.

But by this point, Hailey was just numb with it all. Too exhausted to ask for updates, mindlessly watching with blank eyes as her family took turns going to the desk and getting the same answer they’d gotten thirty minutes ago.

And then finally, a familiar face caught her eye and she was jumping to her feet. The others in the room doing the same.

“Hey guys. I just heard,” Connor’s sympathetic eyes found hers immediately as he approached the group dressed in surgical attire.

“Do you know anything?” She blurted. It was the first thing she’d said in hours and the words felt strange coming from her throat. Her voice was raw from crying so much earlier.

The surgeon shook his head ruefully, “No, I just came from my own operation and when I heard what happened I came straight here.”

Connor’s gaze flicked around the room. Taking in the bloodshot eyes and drawn looks before settling back on Hailey. She looked exhausted and worried and on edge.

“Have you not gotten an update?” Fear colored her face even more as she barely shook her head and his heart broke a little for them, knowing Hailey had to have been running every possible scenario over in her mind of why she hadn’t heard anything. But Connor knew Ava must have had a good reason for keeping them in the dark.

“I’ll go check in with Ava, okay,” It was the least he could do. And he wanted to know too; Jay was a good friend of his. All of the Halstead’s were.

He’d turned to head back into the ED and towards the hybrid room when Ava came walking out with Will right on her heels.

Hailey couldn’t move fast enough to get to Ava, desperate for answers. Frantically surveying her and her brother-in-law’s expressions, trying to glean any information she could. Trying to make out any tells that would clue her into what Ava was about to say. Trying to see if her world was about to burst into flames.

If her worst fears were about to become true.

“He’s alive, Hailey.”

That was all that was said but it was enough to make Hailey collapse with relief. Will and Ava’s hands catching her as she hunched over, pressing her hands to her stomach. He was still alive and that was all that mattered to her right now.

Because that meant he still had a chance to come back to her. A chance to come back to the baby.

“Is he going to make it, Ava?” It was Hank’s blunt question that brought her back to the ED waiting room instead of caught up in her thoughts of ‘thank God, he’s alive’.

Hailey stood up, grasping onto Will’s arm as she snuck a peek at his expression. He was pale and worried, and Ava clearly hadn’t told him anything yet, so he was in the dark as much as they were. The trepidation was written over everyone’s faces, obviously waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Ava sighed. Hailey looked at her and noticed how utterly exhausted the surgeon looked and stark fear pricked her heart again.

She nodded her head towards the waiting room chairs before slowly walking over to take a seat, fully aware of everyone’s eyes following her, “Why don’t we all just sit down, okay?”

When no one moved, Ava sighed again, meeting Connor’s comforting gaze briefly before she looked directly at Hailey. She was tightly hugging herself. Almost as if she was trying to physically hold herself together. She probably was.

Will was beside her and Ava could tell he was also trying to keep it together. She couldn’t imagine trying to work with all the worry of if his brother was going to make it. His red hair was sticking up slightly and she imagined he had probably run his hands through it quite often to curb his anxiety.

“Hailey,” Her voice was soft, and she could see Hailey trembling as she took a few faltering steps to sit beside her, Will following.

Ava knew she wasn’t doing them any favors to console them by prolonging the news of Jay’s status, but she needed a few minutes to gather her own thoughts before she talked to them. She’d come straight from the hybrid room not wanting to keep them wondering if he was still even alive.

She took her friends hands in hers, meeting everyone’s wide eyes before looking back at Hailey, “One of the bullets punctured a lung and was lodged beside a rib. I was able to repair the lung and remove the bullet without opening his chest.”

Ava squeezed Hailey’s trembling hands, “He’s endured a lot of trauma and we had to heavily sedate him, so it was touch and go there for a while.” Hailey’s breath caught; Ava kept talking, “But he pulled through this surgery with minimal intervention and without any lasting damage for now.”

The surgeon looked up to address the others crowded around her, letting Voight sit down on the other side of Hailey to put an arm around her. Ava’s hands fell into her lap as she looked into the gazes of the people that cared about Jay the most. Fear and worry clear on their faces; expressions she was quite familiar with.

It was always hard to deliver any news other than assurances that everything would be perfectly fine baring any complications. It was even harder to deliver that news to people who she personally knew; to people she considered to be family, people who had attended her wedding and had held her children.

Because she didn’t have any great news for them. She couldn’t tell them that Jay would be perfectly fine baring any complications. The only hope she could give them was that he hadn’t already died.

This wasn’t a routine surgery; An elective she’d prepped for. This was a gunshot wound and gunshot wounds to the chest were anything but routine; And they shouldn’t be routine even in Jay’s line of work.

She couldn’t predict anything because a surgery, an injury, like this was anything but predictable.

Ava took a breath before continuing, “Jay’s going to have to have another surgery to get the second bullet out. I didn’t want him on the table any longer than I had too because he’s lost a lot of blood and his body is really fragile right now. So, I took care of the immediate concern of his lungs filling up with blood and he’s been moved to the ICU. I’ve put him in a medically induced coma to try and help his body rest before we go back in, hopefully first thing in the morning if he doesn’t develop an infection.”

She paused to let everything sink in and tried not to focus on where she could see Hailey’s hand pressed tightly to her abdomen out of the corner of her eye.

“To get the second bullet I’m going to have to call in a neurosurgeon, Dr. Abrams probably and I’ll need Connor as my second,” His firm nod gave her the strength to continue, “The bullet missed his heart by literally millimeters and it’s now worked its way behind the heart so I’ll have to go through Jay’s back and bypass his spine to retrieve it.”

No one said anything, the chatter of the ED waiting room and far off ambulance sirens in the background. But to Hailey, every noise had become a loud buzzing in her ears, trying to block out the even louder thoughts running through her mind.

“What are his chances?” Her eyes darted up to Adam’s stony face, his voice thick.

Hailey watched Ava hesitate, shaking her head and she felt like she was still trapped in a horrible nightmare. That if she just woke up, everything would be okay.

“I don’t know.” It was an honest answer and Hailey wasn’t sure if she wanted to hear any more.

Will’s words of being positive and having hope came back to her.

How was she supposed to have hope when everything could change in an instant? How was she supposed to have hope when there wasn’t any to have?

“If Jay survives the night without any infection or without the bullet moving then I am hopeful that he’ll pull through the surgery and then hopefully he’ll be on his way to recovery.”

There it was. That word again. Hope.

“Hailey,” Ava’s voice was soft, and she forced herself to meet the surgeon’s compassionate gaze, “Would you like to see him?”

* * *

Hailey felt like throwing up when she saw him, and it didn’t have anything to do with morning sickness.

He was as white as the sheets he was tucked beneath, his skin an almost greyish hue and she could see the dark bags under his eyes from outside the room. There were all sorts of lines protruding from under the covers and hooked up to various machines but the one that hurt her heart the most was the tube down his throat.

He looked so vulnerable and small in that hospital bed. It was hard to reconcile the image with her husband of a few hours ago; his tanned, muscular arms holding her tightly as they joked around.

The life looked sucked out of him in that dimly lit ICU room.

“You can all go in just keep it short and keep quiet all right?” Hailey didn’t even hear Ava, already sliding open the door to go sit with him. She needed to touch him and reassure herself that he was still there even if he already looked dead.

“Oh, and Hailey,” She looked back. Ava was reaching into her pocket, taking a few steps forward to grab her hand.

As soon as the metal was pressed into her palm, Hailey knew what it was, and it took everything in her to not break down right then and there.

Ava closed her fingers around the object, and she clutched onto it desperately, “We took this off of Jay when we were getting him prepped for surgery.”

She barely saw the comforting smile Ava gave her as she nodded towards the room, letting go of her now closed fist and Hailey forced herself to move towards Jay’s bed before she had to sit down on the floor, overwhelmed with shock and fear and whole host of other emotions she couldn’t begin to describe.

When she reached his bedside, she couldn’t bring herself to touch him even though she desperately wanted too. He just looked so breakable and she didn’t know what to do to fix it.

What she wouldn’t give to be able to fix it, to reverse time and prevent Jay from even getting shot in the first place.

She sank down in the chair placed by his bed, her shaky hand reaching out to touch the edge of the bed, her eyes never leaving Jay’s face.

* * *

“She can stay the night,” Ava’s lilting accent broke the pained silence, everyone’s gazes flicking up to hers from where they’d been watching Hailey approach Jay’s side.

The surgeon looked around all the glassy eyes, “And you all may visit with him till midnight but no later. I shouldn’t even be letting Hailey stay but I know it would be a fight to try to get her to leave so I’ll allow it.”

Voight grunted his acknowledgment, Platt nodded gratefully, and Ava watched Intelligence slowly enter the room holding one of their own.

Will turned to her, reaching out to squeeze her hand, “Thank you Ava.” It was full of sincerity, gratitude and desperation and Ava knew what he was saying.

Thank you for keeping my brother alive one more day. Thank you for letting Hailey stay. Thank you for taking care of my family.

He let her hand fall, slipping into the ICU room to go take his place by Hailey with the rest of her team.

Ava regarded the scene of Platt standing at the end of Jay’s bed and Voight and Will standing beside Hailey’s chair. Adam, Kevin, Kim and Vanessa standing in a semi-circle behind the chair and Ava couldn’t help but think it was a sight she was quite used too.

Except it wasn’t. It was so different and so very, very wrong because those were her people in there. Her friends and her family. Not someone else’s, not her patient’s, it was hers.

She turned to look at Connor who had been standing beside her since the ED waiting room. He gave her a sad smile, grabbing her hand to pull her into his embrace. She rested her head on his strong chest.

“Oh Connor,” It was a whimper, tears flooding her eyes.

He smoothed her hair back, kissing the top of her head, “I know, Ava. I know.”

* * *

“I can’t believe Hailey’s pregnant,” Vanessa messed with a crumpled wrapper, “I had no idea.”

Trudy raised her eyebrows, sighing, “I think that was kind of the point.”

They fell into an uneasy silence, none of them sure of what to say. The image of Jay’s prone form seared into their brains and they weren’t sure what was more gut-wrenching, that or Hailey’s stoic face honed in on Jay as she mindlessly messed with the ring in her hand.

The whole time they had been in the room, she hadn’t said anything. She’d just stared at Jay, her expression blank and her skin pale and no one knew how to help her or what to do.

They’d tried to get her to say something. Kim had asked if she’d wanted something to eat but it was like she hadn’t even heard her. And Vanessa wanted to know if she was feeling alright, if they needed to get her something, anything, but there was no answer.

When they’d looked at Will, he just shrugged and shook his head.

After a few more attempts, Voight had nodded them out of the room, and they’d headed to the cafeteria for some much-needed food. None of them had eaten since that morning, not since they’d gotten Hailey’s call for backup.

“I just don’t know what to do,” Adam rubbed his face in frustration, “Like how to help or, I don’t know. I mean, we can’t help Jay but we gotta be able to do something for Hailey. I just—I just feel so helpless.”

“I think we all do,” Kim murmured, looking down at her hands, hearing the hums of agreement.

Kevin stared blankly at his coffee cup, “I’ve never heard anyone talk like that, let alone Jay. It was scary, it was like he knew he was going down and he didn’t think he was gonna get back up again,” He shook his head, “Hell, I don’t even know how he managed to stay conscious that long and Hailey—I’ve never seen her so distraught.”

Silence settled over them again; A sniffle here, a piece of paper crumpling, a coffee cup being sat down over and over again in restlessness, each of them contemplating over the day’s dramatic events.

“What if Jay dies?” Vanessa’s blunt question full of fear caused them all to look up at their boss, wanting some kind of answer. Some direction from the one who seem to give it best; the one who seemed to have the answers to everything.

“No,” Trudy interjected firmly, rare tears in her reddened eyes, “We can’t think like that. We can’t. It won’t do any of us any good. Especially Hailey and she’s going to need us, all of us.”

There was another pause of silence before Voight leaned forward to meet each of his officer’s eyes, “Trudy’s right. We have to believe he’s going to be alright and we have to stay strong for Hailey. For that baby. That’s what Jay would want us to do. And that’s what this family does.”

“But what if he really does die?” It was Kim this time who asked the question, her voice soft.

Voight sucked in a breath, “Then we stay strong for Hailey and we take care of her and the baby. No matter what. And we make sure that kid knows what a good cop, what a good person,” He looked around the table at each member of team, saw their pained faces, “What a good friend his dad was and we just be there for whatever. Whenever.”

“But in the meantime, we’ve got to focus on taking down Flint’s drug operation and charge him with everything we can throw at him,” Voight’s jaw hardened, “Make him pay for what he did to Jay and all those OD’s he’s responsible for.”

“I’ve got my two best patrolmen on Flint’s hospital door,” Platt added, “And I’m putting someone on Jay’s. We need to work out a schedule so someone will be with him at all times, mainly for Hailey’s sake because I doubt she’ll want to leave him. And when we do end up forcing her to go home, she’ll want someone with him. At least for now.”

Voight stood up, everyone following suite, “For right now, I suggest we all go get some sleep so we can be back here in the morning for Jay’s surgery to sit with Hailey. Then after that, we’re hitting Flint and we’re hitting him hard.”

* * *

“Hailey?” Will spoke up softly, checking the clock on the wall. 11:30 PM.

He was on-call in thirty minutes. At least he would still be in the hospital.

“Hailey?” He placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. She hadn’t moved or said anything since they’d arrived at the ICU room a few hours ago and it was honestly starting to worry him.

Every time anyone had tried talking to her it was like no one had said anything at all. Like she just couldn’t hear and maybe she couldn’t. He imagined she was in a state of shock, trying to compartmentalize, to keep it together and he could only imagine what was running through her brain as she stared at Jay and absent-mindedly stroked her still flat stomach.

He tried slightly shaking her; raising his voice a little, “Hey Hailey.”

That seemed to break through whatever trance she’d been in as she turned her head slowly, blinking owlishly like she hadn’t even realized he was sitting beside her. Her eyebrows drew together, her eyes darting around the room and she looked way more alert than she had a few seconds ago.

She looked back at him, “Where’s the team?”

Will took in her pale face, his own eyebrows drawing together in concern, “They went down to the cafeteria a couple of hours ago. Adam just texted me though and said they were all headed home to get some rest, but they would be back first thing in the morning. I said I’d look after you.”

She nodded blankly, turning back to stare at Jay, “Good, I’m glad and I don’t need looking after.”

Will had to bite his tongue at that. He didn’t see the point in arguing with her, he probably wouldn’t be able to convince her otherwise right now anyway.

He sighed, “You need to eat Hailey.”

Just because he didn’t want to argue with her didn’t mean he wasn’t going to make sure she was taking care of herself. He wasn’t going to let Jay down by not making sure his pregnant wife was at least eating.

He wasn’t going to fail Jay by failing his family because they were Will’s family too and he would be damned if something happened to Hailey or the baby because the stress had gotten to her and she was neglecting her own health.

“I’m not hungry,” Her voice was flat, and it was clear that she wanted to be left alone.

Will looked at her, shaking his head slightly, “You haven’t eaten since you got here.”

She didn’t say anything, just kept staring tight-lipped at Jay and Will honestly wished she would burst into tears or something even if it would be way out of character for her because this not crying thing? The blank look, no emotion visible on her face? That was way more alarming to him than her crying. He didn’t like how silent she’d been.

So, he tried a different tactic, “You’re pregnant Hailey. The baby needs nutrition. You need to eat.”

That got more of a reaction to his relief. He had been afraid that she’d shut down and he wouldn’t be able to get through to her without someone who knew her way better than he did like Voight or Platt or Jay.

Her head turned again to look at him and she even gave him a smile to his surprise. It was small and forced and sad but a smile none the less.

Her hand landed on his forearm, “I’m sorry Will,” She paused, glancing back at Jay before looking at him again, “I know you’re just trying to look after me,” Tears sprung into her eyes as she blew out a breath “Especially with the baby but I’m—I’m just trying to cope.”

Will’s eyes softened as he grabbed her hand, squeezing it, “I get that Hailey. I really do but you’ve got to take care of yourself and not just for the baby but for you too, okay?”

She nodded, “I know and I’m not trying to neglect my health I’m just really not that hungry,” She gave him a rueful sort of half-smile, “I’m actually feeling kind of sick because of the baby and I’ve already figured out that if I try to eat it won’t end well.”

She squeezed his hand back before dropping it, bringing it back over her stomach, “And Rojas made me eat a nutri-grain bar earlier, so I have had something.”

Hailey gave him a look and Will nodded, taking it for what it was. He glanced at the clock again. 11:50. He stood up and Hailey’s eyes followed him, “I’m on call tonight so I need to go get some rest before people start paging me.”

She nodded silently turning her gaze back on Jay. Will walked towards the sliding glass door, stopping before going out to look back at Hailey, “I’ll come check on you in few hours and bring some food okay?”

He saw her nod again, her eyes never leaving Jay. He looked at his brother, hooked up to countless machines keeping him alive and Will’s heart broke for about the 100th time that day.

“Hailey, if you need anything. Anything at all, you text me or at least ask the nurses, okay?” He waited for the barely perceptible nod of acknowledgement and he knew she was slipping back into whatever trance she’d been in before and then he left without another word. Just a prayer in his heart and on his lips that everything would be okay.

* * *

When Hailey was aware that Will had finally left, she let go of everything she’d been holding onto, a sob escaping her.

And then she just cried for the second time that day.

She cried for Jay, worried about his surgery, his recovery. Starkly aware he could literally die at any minute if that bullet moved, that even if it didn’t, he could still die from a number of things. She cried for the baby, still a tiny thing resting safely inside her, blissfully unaware that he or she’s father could be dying, that her baby may never even get to know its father.

And Jay may never even get to know that there’s a baby.

She cried for Will and for the team and their friends. She knew Jay meant a lot to a lot of people. He maybe wasn’t the most talkative of sorts or the most laidback but everyone who knew him knew that he cared deeply for his friends even if he didn’t always show it and in return, they cared deeply for him.

And Will. She knew that Jay was incredibly important to him. That he would be just as devastated as her if something really happened to Jay. That he was devastated.

And then she cried for her. She cried at the unfairness of it all, that Jay was fighting for his life, but Damian Flint would be out of the hospital in no time. She cried because her heart was breaking at the sight of him so vulnerable, so unlike the strong, brave detective who chased down criminals she knew him to be. She cried in fear, knowing that if Jay died, she would never be the same ever again.

He had her heart and she knew it would die with him if it came to that.

She cried for the unknown. She cried so that she could be strong the next day and the next and how ever many days it would take until Jay was either better or dead.

Because she had to be strong, for her, for the baby and for Jay.

She wasn’t sure how long she sat there but her legs were starting to fall asleep for being in one place for so long. Shifting slightly, she wiped her tears and that’s when she noticed her hand clutching onto something. It has hard and digging into her skin she held it so tight.

And then she remembered Ava putting it in her hand.

Her hands were trembling, and she swallowed as she forced her fist to open slowly. Her eyes filled with tears again.

It was his wedding ring.

She unclasped the chain that held it and gently removed the ring, inspecting it almost reverently as she ran her finger around the smooth metal, catching the inscription inside: _“I’d follow you anywhere.”_

Memories of them sharing long, heavy looks flooded her mind. She remembered the first time he’d uttered those words, when their world was on the verge of being turned upside down and she’d been afraid for the future.

He had been there. He had always been there. He was a constant and she would be floundering if she lost her anchor.

His hands were too swollen from all the fluids they’d pumped him with, or she would have put his ring back on his finger where it belonged. He had always been diligent in switching his ring from his finger to the chain that hung around his neck and a lot of the time, he forewent wearing it around his neck if he could. She knew he preferred it on his hand.

Hailey removed her own set of wedding rings from around her neck. She’d started wearing her engagement ring on a chain around her neck when Jay proposed because she hadn’t wanted to risk losing it if they were out chasing down perps, but she always liked wearing it. When they got married, she added her wedding ring to the chain but again, she preferred wearing it like Jay.

She slipped her rings on and added Jay’s to her chain to put back around her neck as she pocketed the empty chain. She would keep it safe till Jay could wear it again.

Hailey drew her legs up into the chair with her so she could rest her head on her knees. Sniffing, she held her hand out to admire the rings Jay had given to her on two of the most important days of their lives, each of them a symbol full of promises.

She just wanted him to wake up.

She wanted them to fulfill those all of those promises. She wanted them to start their family as a whole. When she’d said her vows, she didn’t think till death do us part was supposed to be quite this soon.

It couldn’t be this soon. They had a baby on the way. They had so many plans.

He couldn’t leave her. Not this soon. Not now.

Hailey sunk down onto her knees beside the bed, clasping Jay’s cold hand as tight as she possibly could.

She sniffed, looking up at his face, “Jay, you can’t go yet. You’ve got to fight and stay strong. You gotta pull through tomorrow. Can you promise me you’ll get through tomorrow?”

There was no answer and she wasn’t expecting one. It was an empty question; its only purpose was to try and make herself feel better which it didn’t because she wasn’t fooling herself. She knew he couldn’t promise that. He couldn’t even hear her.

But she hoped that somewhere, some part of him knew she was there. That she would always be there and that she was never leaving.

“Oh Jay,” She whispered, bringing their clasped hands to her lips as she started to cry again, “I love you so much and I need you here. I need you here for me and for the baby. I can’t do it by myself.”

Shaking her head, she repeated, “I can’t do it by myself.” It was broken and the tears started to fall, and she thought about the tiny baby in her belly and all she could think of was how quickly life could change.

How quickly her life had changed. And in the blink of an eye it could all still change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think? I would love to know!! (Also, sorry if the ending seemed kind of crappy...I got stuck on it for the longest time).

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't find any other place to end this chapter so sorry if it seems abrupt. I hope you enjoyed! Please bookmark and review if you liked it! What do you think will happen? Stay tuned for the next chapter! Hopefully won't be too long.
> 
> Love ya!


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